HONEST ANSWER

You are out in the car with your dad driving and Rihanna's latest song, "shut up and drive" is playing. Your dad asked, "What's the title of this song?" What would you tell him?

BAR JOKE

A guy walks into a bar and shouts, "When I drink, everybody drinks!". Everybody is cheering him and applauding like crazy.
Feeling great, he finishes his beer, asks for another one and shouts, "When I drink again, everybody drinks again!". Once again, everybody is cheering him, he is the hero of the bar.
When he is done drinking, he pulls out his wallet and shouts, "When I pay, everybody pays!".

I MISS MY EX CLASSMATES

TEACHER VS FRANCIS

Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a
woman. What do we learn from this?
Francis: We should stop wasting time in studies
and find that WOMAN

3 PASTORS JOKE

Three pastors met & agreed to sincerely tell each other their problems which must be kept a secret between the three of them. The first pastor said; my problem is money l do steal even from the church offering. Please pray for me. The second pastor; mine is women. Whenever l see any woman my desire will be to go to bed with her, infect l have slept with most of the church (female) members. Turning to the third pastor to hear his problem he started crying (it took his friends some effort to calm him). When they asked him to continue, he was still crying, he said my problem is gossiping, when we leave this place everybody will hear all what the two of u have just told me. Please pray for me! The two pastors fainted..

MAMA JOHN Vs JOHN

MAMA JOHN: JOHN, why did you fail your Test?..
 
JOHN: The boy seating next to me did not come today

JOKES TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH (AKPORS Vs INTERVIEWER)

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of Good:
AKPORS:  Bad
Interviewer: Come
Akpors: Go
Interviewer: Ugly
Akpors: Fine
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpors: you are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpors: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok,now stop all that.
Akpors: Ok,now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpors: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh,my God!
Akpors: Oh,my Devil!
Interviewer: You are Rejected!
Akpors: I’m selected!

FRANK VS OBAMA

FRANK went to USA and had a 1 on 1 meeting with OBAMA

OBAMA : I want to show you how much advanced we are.
Come with me, He takes him to a forest. OBAMA : Dig the ground.
 FRANK did it. OBAMA : More….More… More …
FRANK went up to 100 Feet.

OBAMA: So now, try to search for something.
FRANK : I got a Wire.
OBAMA: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we
used to have telephones.

FRANK became frustrated. He invited OBAMA to TANZANIA. That year, OBAMA visited TANZANIA.

FRANK : I want to show you our advancement. He takes OBAMA to a forest.

FRANK : Dig it... Obama does. FRANK: More….More… More…… OBAMA goes up to almost 400 feet.

FRANK:Try to find something. OBAMA tried. FRANK : Did you get anything?

OBAMA: No, there is nothing here.

FRANK: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we
used to have WIRELESS mobile.

JOHN AND THE ARMED ROBBERS

John asked his dad to buy him a toy gun coz neigbours son Francis has one. That same day, John and his dad went to the toy shop and bought two toy gun. One for his son and himself and they drove home. Just when they where about taking their lunch, armed robbers broke in with cutlasses and daggers. John pointed his toy gun towards them, asked his dad to point his, the armed robbers started shivery begging, John then said daddy don't move yet oh, am going inside to get water so that we can put it in our gun. **Dad fainted**.

Soon Weddings Will Be Like This!

Soon weddings will be like this!

Priest: do you agree to change your facebook status from "single" to "married"

Boy: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Girl: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Priest: Congratz, you are now husband and wife.
You may now poke the bride

And don't forget to tag me in the wedding pics.

JOHN IS A VERY FUNNY PERSON

Jenny: Am pregnant John, What would you love it to

be?..

John: I want it to be a Joke

JOHNY AND HIS DAD

Dad: whats 10+10?
Little Johny: I dnt knw
Dad: you cnt answer
such a
cheap sum... Ur stupidy wil
kill you
Lil Johny: if you saw a 1000
note
and a 500 note which
would you
pick?
Dad: 1000 of course
Lil johny: cnt you pick
both
poverty wil kill you

WHO IS MORE FOOLISH BETWEEN THESE 3

Father: Papa John is coming to
collect d money i owed him.
When he comes, tell him i have
traveled. U hear??
Akpos: yes Father.
Papa John entered: Akpos
where is ur father??
Akpos: he has travelled.
Papa John: when is he coming
bak?
Akpors: wait, let me go and ask
him?
(Akpos went inside, open d bak of
d door and said): Father,
papa John said when are u
coming bak??
Father: tell him next week.
Akpos ran bak and said: 
Papa John, my dady said i should
tell u dat he wil be bak next week.
Papa John: ok, go and tell him
dat if he comes bak next
week, he should let me know.
The Question is: WHO IS MORE
FOOLISH??

Types Of People On Facebook:

1) The "Rooster" – Feels that it is their job to tell
Facebook "Good Morning" every day !!
2) The "Lurker" – Never posts or comments on
your post, but reads everything, and might make
reference to your status if they see you in public.
3) The "Hyena" – Doesn't ever really say anything,
just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
4) "Mr/Ms Popular" – Has 4,367 friends for NO
reason
5) The "Gamer" – Plays Words With Friends, Mafia
Wars Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY.)
6) The "Cynic" – Hates their life, and everything in
it, as
evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their
status updates.
7) The "Collector" – Never posts anything either,
but joins every group and becomes fans of the
most random stuff.
The "Promoter" – Always sends event
invitations to things that you ultimately delete or
ignore.
9) The "Liker" – Never actually says anything, but
always clicks the "like" button
10) "Drama Queen/ King" – This person always
posts stuff like "I can't believe this!", or "They
gonna make me snap today!", in the hopes that
you will ask what happened, or what's wrong but
then they never finish telling the story.
11) The "News" – Always updates you on what
they are doing and who they are doing it with, no
matter how arbitrar
which of the above are you? like if u find your
category

How Exams Should Be Written

Exams should be given either
on facebook or on phones
instead of sheets.
Because todays students have
more typing speed than
writing speed!

INNOCENT GIRL

A 3yr old girl sat at dinner table
having dinner with her dad,
cellphone rings,
dad said excuse and went
outside and talked for a few
minutes, comes back and
continues his meal,
3yr old said dad i have
something 2 tell u, dad slap her n
yelled… how many times i tell u
not to talk while eating?
ten mins later dinner finished
dad ask… what were u saying?
3yr old said, while u were on the
phone… the cat pissed in Ur food 

the dad had a cardiac arrest....
 

WOMEN FROM 1500 TO 2013

WILL YOU USE THIS TOILET?

FUN TIME WITH FRANK JOHNSON

A thief was once caught stealing in a supermarket and he was handed over 2 d police.After much torture,he confessed dat he had been stealing there 4 d past 2 months without suspicion.The ffg dialogue ensued:

Policeman:why is it dat u always precipitate here 2 steal?

Thief:Bcoz d inscription on d signboard says "Thanks,come again".

FUN TIME WITH FRANK J

A young boy once askd his father dat daddy who is d head of dis family n d father replied him dat he is d 1 n d boy replied;bt dad why are u d head?or is it bcoz ur head is 2 big?

I THINK AM FUNNY

Marietha went out for drink with
some of the top women….
Waiter brings their bill:
Happy Tsh10,400
Victoria. Tsh10,250
Beatrice. Tsh10,450
Jenny Tsh10,200
Total. Tsh41,300
She says: I will pay for everyone else, but
Total must pay
for herself because I didn’t invite her, after all
she owns
petrol stations all over Tanzania!

TOP 10 SINS COMMITTED ON FACEBOOK

1. U buy an underwear at a bend down select under
owino market( cheap and local) and on facebook u write "i love Gucciunderwear"*God is watching u* 
2. U re a married man wit 2 kids & on facebook u claim
to be single*God is watching u* 
3. U re 21yrs old & dating a man of 54yrs,u updates says
"can't wait to see my baby" is dat ur baby or ur daddy?
*God is watching u*
4. U re drinking ice water & u update "i'm drinking
johnny waker on d rocks"*God is watching u* 
5. U re in d house watching WWE RAW but u updates
"watching silver bird at d cinemas *God is watching u*
 6. U sell retail biscuit and chewing gums & u updates
"had a long day at office*GOD is watching u* 
7. U re waiting 4 a taxi and update "stuck in traffic thank
God 4 d airconditioner in ma car*God is watching u* 
8. U re using fake nokia fone bnd u updates us status
"my laptop is slow"*God is watching u*
9. U re in katanga slum and update "near new
york"*God is watching u* 
10. U real name is Mgbeke Ifeoma and on facebook u
call urself "Pretty Beyonce"*God is watching u*

Funny Frank And His GF

Girlfriend:Baby pls can u send me 20k? Frank: Sure my luv, k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k. Count it, is it complete or do u want more? =))

MR JOHN

John goes into a chemist, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a tea spoon. He pours some liquid onto the tea spoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant. Could you taste this please?" says John. Chemist Assistant takes the tea spoon, put it in his mouth swills the liquid and swallow it. Does it taste sweet?" says John"No, not at all" says Chemist Assistant. "Good" says John" The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar" The Chemist Assistant Fainted

RAPPER Vs DJ

THE WEDDING

At a Wedding in a Church, the Pastor said to the Congregation, is there any Man or Woman here who knows any thing that will make this wedding not to
go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent. John quickly stood up at the back and started walking towards
the altar. The Bride fainted, the Groom ran out of the church. The Pastor gave John micro phone to say what he wants to say. John said, Pastor, please show me the
way to the toilet, I want to pee.

ENGAGEMENT JOKES LAUGHS OUT YOUR RIBS

Mr Akpors fiancee said to him,
“Now that we are engaged,
we should start calling
each other pet names”.
He asked her,
“So what do u want to be calling me?”
She said,
“I’ll be calling u TIGER”.
“Why?” he asked.
“Coz u’re handsome, tall,
charming, strong, calculating, smart & very good.
She then asked him,
“What will u be calling me?”
Mr Akpors said,
“Zebra” The lady still smiling
seductively,
“Wow, that’s lovely & sweet.
Why did u choose
such a lovely name?”
“Because of ur STRETCH MARKS”

A GIRLS FACEBOOK UPDATES

A GAL'S FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES:-

 "Wow I just found the love of my life...Nothing will ever stop me from loving my man♥."
.,, ,,
.14 DAY LATER:-
"Never make sum1 a priority when you're just an option to them..xm!"
.,, ,,.
2 DAYS LATER:-
"I HATE love so much!"
.,, ,,
.3 DAYS LATER.
"I'm happy to remain single and I will never fall in love again."
.,, ,,
.5 DAYS LATER:-
"I'm looking for a man to love and treat me ryt."
.
,, ,,
.15 DAYS LATER:-
"When u deeply fall inlove with a person,u realise why it didn't work with anybody else but him.I love my guy somuch....mwaaah. "
.
,, ,,8 DAYS LATER:-
"bulshit..!! All men are the same...nkt!!!

WISE MAN,INTELLIGENT

A Nigerian man who makes coffins was on his way to deliver one of the coffins he make for his client when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he carried the coffin on his head and headed his destination. Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so the challenged him; "hey!!! where are you going with that coffin?" The man being wise knew the policemen wanted to make money off him, so he replied saying "I don't like the place where they  bury me, so i wanna go bury myself for another place". The policemen on hearing this fled for their lives.

LEAVING CHILDREN HOME ALONE

HAVING A GOOD TIME

AKPOR Vs TEACHER

Akpors had been promoted to primary 5 and the
teacher Miss Janet was going round asking the
pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy
replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved
on
"yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty
four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she
got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpors the teacher asked "yes you, Akpors, 60 + 10 ?" Akpors stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma
Madam, its SIXTY TEN"

THE WISE MAN

A man is having $200  but went to a five star hotel & after incurring a debt of $16,000, he was handed over to a policeman by the hotel manager. On their way to police station, the man gave the policeman  $200 & got himself freed.

SILLY DRIVER

Boss : am giving u job as a driver.
STARTING salary $3500, is it ok?
John : U R great sir! Starting salary is
ok.......but
how much is DRIVING salary...?

A WOMAN

A woman stole chicken from her neighbour and
decided to go and sell it in the market. On
reaching there, another woman stole it from
her. As she was returning from the market with
frustration, her friends who saw her on her way
to the market asked; How much did you sell the
chicken?. She replied; I sold it the same price I
bought it

FRED'S PASTOR

' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near
death.
The family called their pastor to stand with them.
As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to
deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred
used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he
placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was
wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died.
He said, "You know, ' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I
haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read outloud, "Naughty Person, you're standing on my
oxygen tube!"

MONEY ON MY MIND

RESPONSIBLE MAN