BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR

Johnson was praying one sunday morning,he said Lord give me a job which would make have a loud voice to be heard,my pockets always full of money and a big vehicle , full of ladies everyday.The Lord granted his prayers,the next day,he became a Bus Conductor

FOOTBALL JOKES

Lionel Messi was passing  through the streets of New York when he got attracted to hooker plying her trade on that same street.He quickly went to meet her and after some discussions,they agreed to go over to his place.
On getting there,the lady went to the bathroom to have a shower,on her way back,she was surprised to meet 3 unclad men on the bed.Before she could say anything,Messi bloated out "am sorry i didnt tell you this earlier but i can't perform without Xavi and Iniesta

LEAVING CHILDREN HOME ALONE

ON MY WAY TO WALMART SHOPPING MALL

THREE GIRL BATHING

Three girls were bathing at the same place,suddenly air blew their towels away,unfortunately a guy was coming, one covered her
bosom, the other covered her private part, while the third covered her face. Among the three girls,
who do you think is the WISEST

CREATIVE

TRY TO CHEAT NOW

AKPOS

After dipping AKPOS three times in water, Father Peter then said to him, “You are now a new creation so your name is no longer AKPOS but Paul. From now onwards, no eating pork.”. On arrival home, AKPOS now Paul dipped his pork in water three times and then said, “From now on your name is beef!!

I DRINK ONE GLASS OF BEER A DAY,2 GLASS OF BEER IS NOT GOOD

SIGN BOARD

In the corridor of a government office
was a sign board reading
“Don’t make any noise.”
Someone added the following words
“Otherwise, we might wake up”

COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Tonde: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Tonde: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!

LET'S CARE OUR ANIMALS

let's care our animals,in our homes,our farms and everywhere as they are a source of fun and food to everyone.

CREATIVITY OR EFFECT OF DRUGS?

BOYFRIEND Vs GIRLFRIEND

Girlfriend: i cheated:
Boyfriend: do u think i love u?
i was also cheating on you for the past 2 years,
u are just for fun.....
Girlfriend: cried & said,i was talking about my exams

NICE DEAR JOHN LETTER REPLY

An Army ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone, she wanted to break
up and she wants pictures of herself back.

So the Ranger does what any squared away Ranger would do. He went around to his buddies and collected
all the unwanted photos of women he could find.

He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you."

DAN AND SONS OFF TO WATCH A MOVIE

AKPOR and TEACHER

Teacher: Who want to go heaven?
all the student raise up their hand except Akpor.
Teacher: Akpor,why are u not raising up your hand? don't u want to go heaven?
Akpor: My mother told me to come home straight after school.

LIFE LAUGH WITH AKPOR

Doctor And Apkor.

Doctor: Do u exercise daily for good health?
Apkor:  Sir i play football cricket,tennis daily.
Doctor:  Good,how long do you play?
.
Apkor: Until the battery in my mobile goes down.

LAUGH LIFE WITH APKOR

Pricipal: why were u absent yesterday?
Akpor:  i attended a burial
Principal: Hmmm! Akpor The Professional Lateness Specialist,Nothing Will Stop Me From Punishing U,Now Answer Me.......Who Died?
Akpor: You See,The First Son Of  The Cousins Of My Grand Mother's Youngest Nephew Who Is Also The Youngest Step Brother To The Woman Who Gave Birth To My Uncles Youngest Step-Son and He Was Also....................!
Principal: Alright.....Alright...Oo! Thats Enough..Oo! Just Go To The Class.

PHONE CALL SUMMARY

Phone CALL SUMMARY.
_______________ ____
Guys to Parents... 00 : 59 secs.
Guys to friends... 01 : 10secs.
Guys to guys... 00 : 28secs.
But Guys to ladies... 10
minutes :59 secs!!!

Why?
Because ladies to guys is always...
00 : 05 secs.
Because the only thing they say is
.
.
.
."PLEASE, CALL ME BACK. I NEED TO
TALK TO YOU" OR "PLEASE SEND ME
SOME CREDIT"

CHATTING

WHAT CAN U DO?

I HAVE A PROBLEM OF FORGETTING

Marietha: Dr. i have a problem of forgetting.
Doctor:  when did the problem start?.
Marietha: which problem?

MEN SHOULD LISTEN

A man is driving up a steep,narrow mountain road.A woman is driving down the same road.As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG",The man immediately leans out his window and replies,"BITCH!!" They each continue on their way,and as the man rounds the next corner,he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road!.

YOU ARE NOW ON VOICEMAIL SERVICE

Ngriiiii Ngriiiii Ngriiiii


Girl: Hello Dear?
Guy: Am fine,u?
Girl: Just missing u.. I need $150 for my Hair
Guy: You Are now on Voicemail service... Press 2 to
Leave a Message, or Press 1 to End this Call.....

INTERVIEW

a journalist went to certain village and had the following interviewed with the king:
journalist:as the ruler of this community what is your plan for the people
king:::::you are calling me RULER! your father is Pencil,your mother is sharpener and you yourself Eraser-silly boy

TEACHER AND HIS STUDENT

A teache gave his student a class work to draw a cow eating glass,every student submitted their drawing but a
student gave his teacher a
blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Student: It's a drawing of a cow
eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper)
Where's the grass?
Student: The cow ate all of it.
, Teacher: (looked at the paper
again)Then, where's the cow?
Student: It left because there
was no more grass.

NO COMMENT

RIVER BANK

Girlfriend Called her
Boyfriend
GF: Honey where are you ?
BF: I'm at the bank
GF: Dear, please I need 5k
to activate my blackberry, 3k to do
my hair and 10k
to buy a dress.
BF: Sorry, I meant I was at
the "bank" of a river..
Do you want fish ?

GIRL..

Boy: Where Are You Going?
Girl: For Suicide..
Boy: Then, Why Soo Much Make-Up?
Girl: You ..!! Tomorrow My Photo will Come In Newspaper

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

What will you do if your grandfather was on sick bed and you are there with him,after a while he started praying for you for about 10 minutes and his last word was my son i left 10 million US Dollar for you in in in in..............and he die.Please advice if your in that position

ENGINEER WEDDING

PASTOR AND BROTHER PAUL

A brick layer who is a member of a church came to do a job for his church, the job was done for two days which the work pay is 4k. The following conversation was made between the man and the pastor
pastor: Bro paul u are blessed for working in Gods vineyard
Bro Paul: thank u pastor
pastor: how much is ur bill?
Paul: 4k
pastor: what is 4k that the lord can not pay u? Bro! Just go with faith heaven wil pay u.
Paul: Ah! Pastor the 4k is my advance if I get to heaven I will collect my balance.

JUDGE AND PRISONER

Judge said;
Silence in court!
You people are making noise.
The next person who shouts will be thrown outside the courtroom.
A prisoner shouted; Hurraaaaaah!!!!!!
The Judge said to him; You are going nowhere, i wasn't
talking to you.

SAD STORY

Three friends decided to go to China for vacation. Since they were new at the place, they had to stay in a hotel... And they ended up being on the 60th floor. D policy of the hotel was that, at midnight, the elevator ll be shut down. The next day, the friends rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel past midnight. The elevators was shut down. There's was no other way to get to their room than to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. 1st friend: For the 1st 20th floor, I ll tell jokes to keep us going, then another cud say wise stories for the next 20th floor; then we ll cover the final 20th floors with sad stories. So he started with jokes, with laughs & joy, they reached the 20th floor. Another friend started saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor. Now it's time for the sad stories, so the 3rd friend said, "My 1st sad story is dat, I left the keys of the room in the car...

CHANGING EXAM PATTERN

Other than the Poorly equipped Laboratories and other incondusive learning environment, Could this be yet another reason why our Educational system continues to get dilapidated?

SENSELESSNESS

Young student:i'v got stomach ache.
teacher:that's because u haven't eaten and u stomach is empty,so it hurts.
Young student:now i know why my maths teacher has headaches.his head must be empty.

HOT COUPLE IN TOWN....CONGRATULATION