IF YOU GO ON LIKE THIS.....!

One day a man came home from work earlier than usual and caught his wife in bed with his best friend.

The husband grabbed a gun and shot his friend to death.

His wife said, "You know, if you go on like this, you're going to lose All your friends."

NEVER TAKE A WIFE TO YOUR JOINT

A man went to his local pub with his wife. When he left for the counter, a prostitute approached his wife and whispered quickly to her ear,
"You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him...He doesn't pay!!!"

NINE A.M

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

HUSBAND VS WIFE

An Angry Wife said To Her Husband on Phone: "Where the Hell Are You ... ?"

Husband:Darling You Remember That Jewelry Shop Where You Saw the Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "

Wife:, With A Smile & Blushing,Yeah I Remember That My Love !

Husband:I'm In The bar next to it