TANZANIAN PROFESSORS

18 Tanzanian professors were called to sit in an airplane. When they all sat and the plane was about to take off, they were informed that the plane was made by their own students..... they all quickly ran out of the plane leaving one man who was sitting confidently. Onlookers asked him why he was still in the airplane. He said: if indeed this airplane was made by our students, trust me it wont even start!

AKPOS HAS DONE IT AGAIN

One day Akpos was enjoying the sun at the beach.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?"
.
Akpos answered, "No, I am Akpos."
Another guy came and asked him the same
question.

Akpos answered, "No! No! Me Akpos!"

d third one came and asked him the same question
again.

Akpos was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the
sun. He went up to him and asked," Are you Relaxing?"


This guy was a lot more educated and answered,
"Yes, I am relaxing."


Akpos slapped him in his face and said,
"Stupidd, eediot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here.. . .
.
.
.the guy fell into instant coma

HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MAKING

A POLICEMAN

A policeman arrested a man for urinating in a prohibited place and fined him $50.The man gave the policeman $100 and the policeman told d man;I beg urinate one more time,coz I don't have change.

THE silly GUY AND THE DOCTOR

There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said : "doctor i have a fever" the doctor said : "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine", the sick guy said : "but doctor,I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"

IRONY ON FACEBOOK

IRONY ON FACEBOOK
Different updates and their
response
1. Am a saved man and I
love
going to church.
- 2 likes.
- 1 comment.
2. I know I will do well in my
studies
- 4 likes.
- 3 comments.
3. Tonight I must watch T.V
coz I
missed the previous
programmes
- 12 likes.
- 23 comments.
4. I had s.3x through the
entire
night but am still horný
- 72 likes.
- 127 comments

NO COMMENT

WHO IS THE BEST THIEF?

Mike and John entered a chocolate
shop. As they were busy looking at
John, Mike steals 3 chocolate bars.
After leaving the store Mike says to
John, "man, I'm the best thief ever, I
stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me,
U can'tbeat that" John replies, " you
want to see something better? lets go
back to the shop and I'll show you real
stealing" So they went to the counter
and John says to the shopkeeper, "Do
you want to see magic? Shopkeeper
replies, "yes! John says,"Ok, give me one
chocolate bar" The shopkeeper gave
him one, and he eats it. He asks for the
2nd and he eats it as well. He asks for
the 3rd and finishes that too. The
shopkeeper asks, "but where is the
magic? John replies, "Check in my
friends pocket and you'll find them!.

FATHER-IN-LAW

Father-In-Law : Young man, U’re coming to
seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’re
chewing gum.
That’s a sign of disrespect!
Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or
smoke.
Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke
and u’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in
marriage?
Man : Sir I only drink &smoke when i go to the
club.
Father-In-Law : U club too?
Man : I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when i
came out of prison.
Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in prison
before? Oh my God!
Man : Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed
somebody!!.
Father-In-Law : What!!! U’re a killer
Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a
certain man that didn’t allow me to marry his
daughter so i killed him.
Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son.
U are on the right track. U’re absolutely the
right Man for my Daughter

MARIE GIRL

A Lady asked her boyfriend " how much
do you love me?
Boy: I love you so much, can't
measure.......
Girl: No just tell me....
Boy: Okay I am like a phone and you are
my sim card, there's no me without
you......
Girl: aaaaaawww that is so romantic .......
(Boy says 2 himself) see Marie !! What if
I'm a china phone wit 3 sims card?

WHO'S AT FAULT?

boy was in a taxi eating chocolate,den he took another one, then a man next 2 him said
"Do you know that will damage your teeth". . The boy replied, "my grandfather lived 132 years"
The man asked "was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied ; "No, he was always minding his own business".

FAMILY PLANNING

VIDEO ( LAUGH AT YOUR OWN RISK)

WHO IS A CHILD OF GOD?

A man with an Ak 47 ran to a church & pointed d gun at d congregation
demanding "who is a child of God here, let me send him 2 heaven? D
congregation remained silent and he released one of d bullet on d roof.The
congregation shouted "Its d pastor, he always says that he is a child of
God" D pastor replied "what kind of conspiracy is this?" Everyone here knows that i am
the son of Philip & d grandson of Francis

I WON'T FORGET

I visited my Chinese Friend Dying in Hospital.
My Chinese Friend just kept Saying "CHIN YU
YAN" and He Died. I had to go to China to find
the meaning of my Friend's last Words. And I
found out that It means "U ARE STANDNG ON
THE OXYGEN TUBE!!!! "

KIM AND KANYE 10 YEARS TO COME

A BOY AND A GIRL IN A LIBRARY

A boy and a girl were in a very quiet library, the boy was asking the girl out,
The Girl replied in a very low voice: “guy leave me alone we’re in library”
The boy was still disturbing her too much, (in anger) the girl shouted very loudly to him, leave me alone eeeeeeh, all the people in the library were about to stare at the boy when the boy replied with a very loud voice, i won’t leave you alone you this demon inside this girl, get out now in Jesus name, and all people in the library shouted amen!!!

WOMAN AND SON

A woman was beating her son for
stealing. After thoroughly beating him,
she asked 'do you know where your
stealing will take you'. The son said yes
I know. Surprised, the mother asked
where? And the son replied - National
Assembly......

KIDS IN SCHOOL THINK TOO QUICK

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same
day, same time."

OVER SHARP GIRL!!

Husband & wife were arguing on who is d most Coward & Scared between dem. After a long argument, they decided to ask their 2 kids who they think was d most Coward & Scared between them. The first Kid (Junior)says: Dad is d most Coward cos, 1: "He's scared of women: Whenever he sees a Beautiful lady in town; He closes his one eye (i.e- WINKs @ d LADY)...... Wife realizing d meaning was very angry with her husband" The Second kid (faith)says: "dat is nothing My Daddy is not coward as our mummy becos, Mummy is so Scared (coward) to Sleep alone When DAD works Night shift, MUMMY Sleeps with d Man next door; Sometimes She invites d GARDENER or Uncle KINGSLEY to Sleep wit Her. Sometimes Uncle Mayowa d Youth Corper, after leaving ur room even escort her to the bathroom & bath with her just because she's scared. HUSBAND FAINTED IMMEDIATELY! —

DUMB WOMAN

A wife just buy a new sim card and decide to surprise her husband. She put the sim inside her phone and hide inside the kitchen to call him. She called "hello darling", Then the husband replied in a low tune "honey, I will call you back, the dumb woman is in the kitchen"

SILLY BOY

A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started
with thunder, lightning and torrential rain. ‘You can’t go home in this,’ said one of his friends, ‘ you’d better stay the
night.’
‘That’s very kind of you,’ said the boy. I’ll just run home and get my pyjamas."lol

AN INTELLIGENT FAMILY

One day,a mum called her child&asked him,4 x 4
and d boy said twelve.His mum started beating
him. Just then d dad came in and asked wat was
d problem,then d mum answerd"i asked him 4 x 4
and he doesn't know it",then d dad asked his
wife,"wat is the answer then"then d mum said its
10. Then d dad said
"GOD has saved you,i thought you didn't know

BAD HUSBAND

A TOURIST IN TANZANIA

A tourist asked a Tanzanian boat
driver,do u know
psychology,geography,geology&criminology.Boat
driver said no to all question.the
tourist then asked again ,what do
u know boat driver,u will die of
illiteracy,suddenly the boat started
sinking then the boat guy asked the
tourist.Do u know how
swimology,escapology away
from crocodielogy?the tourist
said,NO.boat guy said today you
will drownology ,crocodielogy
will eat u and u will dielogy.lol!!!

AMERICAN FAMILY VERSUS AFRICAN FAMILY

AMERICAN HOUSEHOLD:

Cynthia: throwing up
Mother: Oh my God! Cynthia, are you alright? You'll be staying home from school today. Just lie down and let me grab the medicine, honey.

 AFRICAN HOUSEHOLD:

Cynthia: throwing up
Mother: SIN-TEA-AH! SIN -*clap*-TEA-*clap*-AH! SO YOU AH PREGNANT?!? HEYYYYYYYY! ABOMINATION! THIS IS A LIE! MY EYES MUST BE CHEATING ME! SO YOU AH REALLY PREGNANT?!?!? I CANT BELIEVE! HEYYYY! GOD-O, -OOOO!

THE PASTOR AT THE DOOR

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his congregation. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was Unclad."

SMART LAWYER

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"my client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and i fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb".

"well put", the judge replied. "using your logic, i sentence the accused's arm to one year imprisonment. He can accompany it or not as he chooses".

The accused smiled.  with his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out!     

LITTLE FRANK BIEBER