Thursday, September 29, 2011


3 guys were introduced 2 a girl,
Hi I'm Peter not a saint,

Hi I'm Paul not a pope,
I'm John not a baptist,
The girl said hi
I'm Mary not a virgin!


WIFE: "If I died, would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Of course not!"
WIFE: "No? Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do!!!"
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Alright, I would."
WIFE (looking hurtful): "You would?"
HUSBAND: "I would, but only because it was so good with you."
WIFE: "And you'd sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would you want us to sleep?"
WIFE: "And you'd replace all my photographs with hers?"
HUSBAND: "Yes, it's only natural, I guess."
WIFE: "And she'd use my car?"
HUSBAND: "No. She can't drive."
WIFE: (silence)
HUSBAND: "Oh F***!"


BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?
"Certainly not! There 's no proof of it", he replied.
BOSS: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, He came here looking for you .!"


Wife to husband- "U dont Luv Me at all.." Husband points towards their five children and says- "do u think I downloaded them from google"?


Wife is like a TV,
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

At home u watch TV,
But when u go out u take ur MOBILE.

Sometimes u enjoy TV,
But most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.

TV is free for life,
But for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable,
But for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote,
MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),
But with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not).

Last but not least ..
TVs don't have viruses,
But MOBILEs often do!


There was a Blind girl who hated her self just because she was blind,She hated every one,Except her loving boyfriend,He was always there for her,She said if she could only see the world she would marry her boyfriend.One day someone donated a pair of eyes to her and she could see world
HER BOYFRIEND ASKED:-Now that she could see the world,Would she MARRY HIM?
The girl was shocked when she saw that he was blind too and refused to marry him. He walked away in tears and later on wrote a letter to her saying.JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES DEAR.
This is how humans change when their status changes.


Two men, one Tanzanian and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking a few beers

The Indian man said to the Tanzanian, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village back in India whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The Tanzanian said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems...

The Indian fainted….


A pregnant wife told her husband to sleep on the floor to avoid contacts that may stimulate him and cause the unexpected. While the poor husband was curled down on the floor the wife looked at him and felt sorry for him. She woke him up and told him
"Listen take this 50 thousand and go to the girl next door and have sx with her,but never ever do it again."
The husband thinking she may change her mind took the money quickly and ran outside,but he returned a few minutes with the 50 in his hand. The wife asked "what happened,why do you still have the money?"
"I couldn't do it Lucy said she wants 80"
The wife said
"That b*tch,when she was pregnant i helped her husband for 50 now she...."


Bin laden arrives in heaven and meets God and he was required to account for his life in the world, God decided he would give him a choice, so he told him; ''will you go to hell or USA?


 "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: That's great son. Who is it?
Son: It's Sandra, the neighbour's daughter.
Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.. Sandra is actually your sister.

The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, and indeed, a couple of months later ...
Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!
Father: That's great son. Who is it?
Son: It's Angela, The other neighbour's daughter.
Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn't your father".

Friday, September 16, 2011


1970-love me but don't touch me,
1980-touch me but don't kiss me,
1990-kiss me but don't do anything
,2000-do everything but don't tell anybody,
2011-do everything otherwise i will tell everybody that u can't do anything


Who is guilty here? A wife is dreaming in bed and she suddenly wakes up and shout,"quick my husband is home "Her husband wakes up and jumps out of the window!


Mother said to her daughter,'didn't i tell you if a guy touches your boobs say DONT and if he touches your private parts say STOP,"Daughter replied" but mom he touched both so i said DONT STOP


Dad; when i beat you how do you control your anger.Son; i start cleaning toilet.Dad; how does that satisfy you?.Son; i clean it with your toothbrush


Kid can sometimes ask the toughest questions, Son; father can i ask u a question? Father; ok ask,Son; when a doctor doctors a doctor,does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he want to doctor,Father;!!!!???.......


Newly married husband saves his wife's number in his mobile as "MY LIFE" or HONEY".After 1 year of marriage changes to "WIFE".After 2 years of marriage changes to "HOME".After 5 years of marriage changes to "HITLER".After 10 years of marriage changes to wrong number


The two kids were playing,found a used cond-m,took it home as ballon,the kid mother got very upset,warned them not to pick things while playing,when da mother left,the other kid said to the others,why mom so angry! Thank God we didn't tell her we drank the yoghurt inside


Ayuba; If i die,will u marry? Wife; no,i'll stay with my sister but if i die will u remarry.Ayuba; no,i'll also stay with your sister


Ayuba; doctor in my dreams i play football every night.Dr; take this tablet,u will be ok.Ayuba; can i take it tomorrow,tonight is final game


Ayuba; i am proud coz my son is in medical college,Friend; really what is he studying?,Ayuba; no,he is not studying,they are studying him


Ayuba; people consider me as God.Wife; how do u know? Ayuba; when i went to the park today everybody said,oh God!! U have come again


Girl texting lover; if ur dreaming send me ur dream,if ur crying send me ur tears,if ur laughting send me ur laughter,Lover replies; am in the toilet,should i send u some.......?


A young boy asked his Dad 'whats the difference btn confident and confidential?'.Dad says; your my son i'm confident about that,your friend over there is my son also,thats confidential


A man is sitting in the pub with his wife and he says i love u,she asks; is that you or the beer talking.He replies; its me talking to the beer


Daughter; mummy that man gave me 10 dollar to climb that tree,Mother; stupid! he wanted to see your panty,Daughter; i am clever i didn't wear any of them


A man is dying of cancer,but keeps telling people he is dying of aids,His son asked; Dad why? "He answered" so that when i am dead no one will sleep with your mum

children in the dark

Teacher: now give me the opposite meaning of this sentence " children in the dark make mistakes "
Juan : Mistakes in the dark make children!!