THE NURSERY KID AND DRIVER

A Nusery 1 kid was in a danfo bus returning from school & was reciting a poem he was taught in school. '' if my Dad is a rooster & my mum is a Hen,i will be chicken, if my Dad is
a king & my Mum is a Queen, i will be a prince. The driver became unconfortable with the noise & told the boy to stop, but the boy didn't. The driver shouted at the boy '' What if ur mother is prostitute & ur father is a thief" the boy replied then I WILL BE A DANFO DRIVER.

BAD FRIEND

A Man was on high speed, he got to an Army checkpoint without slowing down, so they told him to park his car and ordered him to carry 1000 blocks from one Side of the road to the other side.
After carrying 900 blocks, he noticed that their 'Boss' was his Primary School classmate, so he went to complain to him, The Boss was really angry with what his Boys told his Long time classmate was asked to do, So he asked him ''have you started carrying the blocks?, the man said ''I have carried 900 already, so the Boss said" Please don't be angry, ''RETURN THEM''.

DOT COM GENERATION

CHILDREN AND TEACHER

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher; she's dead.'

NO COMMENT

AN ILLITERATE WOMAN

An illiterate woman boarded a plane from Paris to Washington DC in United States
She was booked for an economy class seat, Just after the
plane took-off, the woman stood up and went to sit in the
first class cabin.
The flight attendant went to ask her to go back and sit in
economy class because that's where the ticket allowed
her to sit but she refused.
She had paid and wanted the best seat. Then the attendant
informed the Jnr. pilot. The Jnr. pilot went and spoke with
the lady and she still refused. Then the Jnr. pilot went to
inform the chief pilot. The chief pilot said I am married to
an illiterate; I'll go and talk to her. The chief went
and whispered some words to the woman and she peacefully
stood-up and went to her economy class seat. The attendant
and Jnr. pilot surprisingly asked, sir what did you tell
her? The chief pilot said: Easy guys, I just told her that
first class is not going to Washington DC, only economy class
is.

A GUY AND A CATHOLIC SISTER

A guy gave a catholic sister a ride, as they were going he placed his hand on her laps pretending it was the gear stick, the sister said mathew 7:7, He removed his hand,

He touched her lap the 2nd time the sister said mathew 7:7. When the sister got 2 her destination she opened the door and said u dnt read ur bible daily, He got home &

checked mathew 7:7 which read "ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN TO U "

THE UNEXPECTED VISITOR

To surprise her husband a company executives wife decided 2 stop by her husbands office,on entering the office she saw the female secretary sitting on her husbands laps,in order 2 defend himself the husband said
BUDGET CUT OR NO BUDGET CUT MANAGEMENT MUST DO SOMETHING.I AND MY SECRETARY CANNOT BE SHARING THIS OFFICE WITH JUST A SINGLE SEAT.LOL

JOKES-UPDATED BY FRANK

Francis sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"

Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"

2 hours later Francis sms to boss:
"Me ok, Your wife very sweet"

CHATTING

JOKES-UPDATED BY FRANK

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can be greater than this one?

JOKES-UPDATED BY FRANK

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,

When her friends asked her what happened?

She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,

"I thought It was MONEY"

THE BEST SWIMMING POOL

I SAVED A LIFE TODAY

I'm  sooo happy !!!I saved a life today , I asked a begger '' how would u feel if I gave u $ 1000'' and he exclaimed '' I will die of happiness'' so I didn't give him anyting.

WEDDING

Be careful who prints your wedding programme! A printer was asked to put 1st John 4:18 on a wedding programme but he made a mistake. Instead he printed John 4:18.

1st John 4:18 says: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love”

John 4:18 reads : “For you have had five husbands; and he whom you now have is not your husband”,

FACEBOOK FOR ALL AGES

WONDER BABY

A classic case of "NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER": A baby was born laughing really hard with its fist tightly closed, chuckling and dandling happily. Everyone in the room was perplexed, wondering what's up with the baby. One of the confused nurses unfolded its tiny fingers and found a birth control pill!!!

THE UNGRATEFUL WIFE

A man called his friend to complain. He said ''Can u imagine, i was at home all day, watching a football match, listening to the news on the radio, reading a newspaper, pinging on my bb,eating a sandwich, drinking beer, scratching the dog with my foot and my wife had the nerve to tell me i was sitting doing nothing''

SUGAR FREE

Abubakar Sanni, who luckily won a visa to abroad visited a supermarket in the UK to buy a ribena and sugar, he paid for the ribena and didnt pay for the sugar.., he was arrested and charged to court.
"Mr. Abubakra Sawnee, why did u steal the sugar?" asked the judge...
"Walahi, talahi sumo su bi nla hi, i buy ribeko(ribenna) and for the back i see "sugar free"

he was sentenced to death by hanging

ST.PETER

A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply, suddenly a man runs in shouting ''Peter, Peter, your daughter Tania just had a fatal accident''. Shocked, confused and distraught, he jump out of the window! As soon as he jump, he remembers that his office is on the 9th floor, as he is descending lower,he remembers that he doesn't have a daughter called tonia,  Still descending lower he remembers he's not even married, 2 floor before he hit the ground, he finally remembers that his name is not even peter!

JOKE! RICH BOY

Boy: Hi Girl: What?
Boy: How are you doing?
Girl: Do i know you?
Boy: Hmmm, no, but am rich,
Girl: Really?, Hi, I'm Nana but you can call me baby. I'm 21 and live in PH but school in Delsu. I like short dark guys especially one like you and am glad 2 meet you. Boy: No no. RICH is my name.
Girl: (Hiss) i beg i beg, I dont talk to strangers,

LETTER TO LADIES

Dubai trip = 1 plot of land
1 Brazilian hair = 68 bags of cement
1 Handbag = 10 Tankers of water
1 Quality shoe = 1 Trailer of sand
1 BB Torch = 1500 Blocks
Just these are enough to build a 2-bedroom flat, Ladies PLEASE let
your husband and boyfriend be a LANDLORD.

FUNNY OLD WOMAN

An old woman has a daughter who lived abroad but she cannot afford 3  meals a day. One day da landlord visited da woman and asked her why are u struggling 2 eat wen u have a child abroad, da old woman replies don't mind dat girl. Upon all da money we spent on her she's only sending me photographs of white men, pls can I c da photo, da woman brought it out it was dollars. If u were da landlord wat would u do talk true oh?

THE ANNOUNCEMENT

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.

"The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way.
The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.

"In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."

THIS IS AMAZING

THERE WAS A GUY IN ONE CHURCH ON SUNDAY, AFTER OFFERING, THE PASTOR SAID CLOSE YOUR EYES LETS PRAY,
WHILE EYES WERE CLOSED AND PRAYER WAS ON, THE GUY WAS LOOKING AT THE PASTOR, AND THE PASTOR WAS BUSY PUSHING THE MONEY TO HIS POCKECT AND PRAYING AT THE SAME TIME, WHEN HIS EYES MET THE  GUY, HE INCLUDED IN HIS PRAYER, BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO SEE BUT DO NOT TALK. AND THE GUY RESPONDED FOR THEY SHALL HAVE THEIR OWN SHARE

THE CONFESSION

A plane was about to crash. A man looked straight into his wife eye and said. MAN: honey i ve to confess to u dat i nailed ANITA our house help yesternight WIFE: honey, Mine is never an exception, the gate man JOHN have screwed me many times. Especially when u embarked on a long  journey. honey please forgive me i want to go heaven. Few minutes later the pilot announced that "we ve detected the technicality fault, the plane is no more crashing, enjoy ur flight ladies n gentle men" the man rose up and shouted THIS PLANE MUST CRASH!

MY SON IS MORE SILLY/STUPID THAN YOURS

Mr John and his friend Mr Francis were arguing about their sons stupidity.Mr John argued that his son was more silly than Francis son.Francis however disagreed, so they decided to put their sons to test.John called his son and asked him to buy something for him at the market.The boy ran out without even asking for what to buy and money.John said,"you see how silly he is? he didn't even ask for what to buy or money" Francis retorted,is this what you call foolishness?just wait and see,Francis calls his son and said "go home and check if i am in the house"Francis son took to his heel , came back and say my father is not there,mother said he went to see his friend Mr John


cheers