Pls am i Guilty or not?
I was in a bus on my way coming from Mwanza down to Dodoma I
was chatting with a friend and I noticed that the man sitting next to
me was looking at my texts. Then I changed the topic. I began to write"
Guy. You know what? I am in a bus now. I don't think the bomb I took can
last for up to 3 minutes before it explodes. I don't know what to do
now o. But I just want to say my goodbyes to you. Take good care of my
wife and children. Make sure they spend the money wisely
o.........". Before I knew what was happening.
The man has opened and jumped through the door without telling the driver. He is now dead.
Please,
Who killed him
My wife and I were having a serious quarrel
when I said to her...
"pack your things and ....."
At that point, her phone rang, so I had to stop
for her to receive the call.
It was her her dad. The phone was on speaker
so I could hear what he was saying. After the
usual pleasantries between father and daughter,
he said:
"my daughter, I have transferred $1,000,000
into your account, give your husband $500,000
out of it, and you can have the other half."
After the good-byes, the call ended, and she
turned to me:
"you said I should pack my things and do
what?"
"I SAID PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM
TO ME TO WASH."
You are out in the car with your dad driving and Rihanna's latest song,
"shut up and drive" is playing. Your dad asked, "What's the title of
this song?" What would you tell him?
A guy walks into a bar and shouts, "When I drink, everybody drinks!". Everybody is cheering him and applauding like crazy.
Feeling
great, he finishes his beer, asks for another one and shouts, "When I
drink again, everybody drinks again!". Once again, everybody is cheering
him, he is the hero of the bar.
When he is done drinking, he pulls out his wallet and shouts, "When I pay, everybody pays!".
Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a
woman. What do we learn from this?
Francis: We should stop wasting time in studies
and find that WOMAN
Three pastors met & agreed to sincerely tell each other their
problems which must be kept a secret between the three of them. The
first pastor said; my problem is money l do steal even from the church
offering. Please pray for me. The second pastor; mine is women. Whenever
l see any woman my desire will be to go to bed with her, infect l have
slept with most of the church (female) members. Turning to the third
pastor to hear his problem he started crying (it took his friends some
effort to calm him). When they asked him to continue, he was still
crying, he said my problem is gossiping, when we leave this place
everybody will hear all what the two of u have just told me. Please pray
for me! The two pastors fainted..
MAMA JOHN: JOHN, why did you fail your Test?..
JOHN: The boy seating next to me did not come today
Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of Good:
AKPORS: Bad
Interviewer: Come
Akpors: Go
Interviewer: Ugly
Akpors: Fine
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpors: you are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpors: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok,now stop all that.
Akpors: Ok,now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpors: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh,my God!
Akpors: Oh,my Devil!
Interviewer: You are Rejected!
Akpors: I’m selected!
FRANK went to USA and had a 1 on 1 meeting with OBAMA
OBAMA : I want to show you how much advanced we are.
Come with me, He takes him to a forest. OBAMA : Dig the ground.
FRANK did it. OBAMA : More….More… More …
FRANK went up to 100 Feet.
OBAMA: So now, try to search for something.
FRANK : I got a Wire.
OBAMA: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we
used to have telephones.
FRANK became frustrated. He invited OBAMA to TANZANIA. That year, OBAMA visited TANZANIA.
FRANK : I want to show you our advancement. He takes OBAMA to a forest.
FRANK : Dig it... Obama does. FRANK: More….More… More…… OBAMA goes up to almost 400 feet.
FRANK:Try to find something. OBAMA tried. FRANK : Did you get anything?
OBAMA: No, there is nothing here.
FRANK: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we
used to have WIRELESS mobile.
John asked his dad to buy him a toy gun coz neigbours son Francis has
one. That same day, John and his dad went to the toy shop and bought
two toy gun. One for his son and himself and they drove home. Just when
they where about taking their lunch, armed robbers broke in with
cutlasses and daggers. John pointed his toy gun towards them, asked his
dad to point his, the armed robbers started shivery begging, John then
said daddy don't move yet oh, am going inside to get water so that we can
put it in our gun. **Dad fainted**.
Soon weddings will be like this!
Priest: do you agree to change your facebook status from "single" to "married"
Boy: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Girl: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Priest: Congratz, you are now husband and wife.
You may now poke the bride
And don't forget to tag me in the wedding pics.
Jenny: Am pregnant John, What would you love it to
be?..
John: I want it to be a Joke
Dad: whats 10+10?
Little Johny: I dnt knw
Dad: you cnt answer
such a
cheap sum... Ur stupidy wil
kill you
Lil Johny: if you saw a 1000
note
and a 500 note which
would you
pick?
Dad: 1000 of course
Lil johny: cnt you pick
both
poverty wil kill you
Father: Papa John is coming to
collect d money i owed him.
When he comes, tell him i have
traveled. U hear??
Akpos: yes Father.
Papa John entered: Akpos
where is ur father??
Akpos: he has travelled.
Papa John: when is he coming
bak?
Akpors: wait, let me go and ask
him?
(Akpos went inside, open d bak of
d door and said): Father,
papa John said when are u
coming bak??
Father: tell him next week.
Akpos ran bak and said:
Papa John, my dady said i should
tell u dat he wil be bak next week.
Papa John: ok, go and tell him
dat if he comes bak next
week, he should let me know.
The Question is: WHO IS MORE
FOOLISH??
1) The "Rooster" – Feels that it is their job to tell
Facebook "Good Morning" every day !! 
2) The "Lurker" – Never posts or comments on
your post, but reads everything, and might make
reference to your status if they see you in public.
3) The "Hyena" – Doesn't ever really say anything,
just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
4) "Mr/Ms Popular" – Has 4,367 friends for NO
reason
5) The "Gamer" – Plays Words With Friends, Mafia
Wars Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY.)
6) The "Cynic" – Hates their life, and everything in
it, as
evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their
status updates.
7) The "Collector" – Never posts anything either,
but joins every group and becomes fans of the
most random stuff.
The "Promoter" – Always sends event
invitations to things that you ultimately delete or
ignore.
9) The "Liker" – Never actually says anything, but
always clicks the "like" button
10) "Drama Queen/ King" – This person always
posts stuff like "I can't believe this!", or "They
gonna make me snap today!", in the hopes that
you will ask what happened, or what's wrong but
then they never finish telling the story.
11) The "News" – Always updates you on what
they are doing and who they are doing it with, no
matter how arbitrar
which of the above are you? like if u find your
category
Exams should be given either
on facebook or on phones
instead of sheets.
Because todays students have
more typing speed than
writing speed!
A 3yr old girl sat at dinner table
having dinner with her dad,
cellphone rings,
dad said excuse and went
outside and talked for a few
minutes, comes back and
continues his meal,
3yr old said dad i have
something 2 tell u, dad slap her n
yelled… how many times i tell u
not to talk while eating?
ten mins later dinner finished
dad ask… what were u saying?
3yr old said, while u were on the
phone… the cat pissed in Ur food
the dad had a cardiac arrest....
