I THINK AM FUNNY

Marietha went out for drink with
some of the top women….
Waiter brings their bill:
Happy Tsh10,400
Victoria. Tsh10,250
Beatrice. Tsh10,450
Jenny Tsh10,200
Total. Tsh41,300
She says: I will pay for everyone else, but
Total must pay
for herself because I didn’t invite her, after all
she owns
petrol stations all over Tanzania!

TOP 10 SINS COMMITTED ON FACEBOOK

1. U buy an underwear at a bend down select under
owino market( cheap and local) and on facebook u write "i love Gucciunderwear"*God is watching u* 
2. U re a married man wit 2 kids & on facebook u claim
to be single*God is watching u* 
3. U re 21yrs old & dating a man of 54yrs,u updates says
"can't wait to see my baby" is dat ur baby or ur daddy?
*God is watching u*
4. U re drinking ice water & u update "i'm drinking
johnny waker on d rocks"*God is watching u* 
5. U re in d house watching WWE RAW but u updates
"watching silver bird at d cinemas *God is watching u*
 6. U sell retail biscuit and chewing gums & u updates
"had a long day at office*GOD is watching u* 
7. U re waiting 4 a taxi and update "stuck in traffic thank
God 4 d airconditioner in ma car*God is watching u* 
8. U re using fake nokia fone bnd u updates us status
"my laptop is slow"*God is watching u*
9. U re in katanga slum and update "near new
york"*God is watching u* 
10. U real name is Mgbeke Ifeoma and on facebook u
call urself "Pretty Beyonce"*God is watching u*

Funny Frank And His GF

Girlfriend:Baby pls can u send me 20k? Frank: Sure my luv, k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k. Count it, is it complete or do u want more? =))

MR JOHN

John goes into a chemist, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a tea spoon. He pours some liquid onto the tea spoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant. Could you taste this please?" says John. Chemist Assistant takes the tea spoon, put it in his mouth swills the liquid and swallow it. Does it taste sweet?" says John"No, not at all" says Chemist Assistant. "Good" says John" The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar" The Chemist Assistant Fainted

RAPPER Vs DJ

THE WEDDING

At a Wedding in a Church, the Pastor said to the Congregation, is there any Man or Woman here who knows any thing that will make this wedding not to
go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent. John quickly stood up at the back and started walking towards
the altar. The Bride fainted, the Groom ran out of the church. The Pastor gave John micro phone to say what he wants to say. John said, Pastor, please show me the
way to the toilet, I want to pee.

ENGAGEMENT JOKES LAUGHS OUT YOUR RIBS

Mr Akpors fiancee said to him,
“Now that we are engaged,
we should start calling
each other pet names”.
He asked her,
“So what do u want to be calling me?”
She said,
“I’ll be calling u TIGER”.
“Why?” he asked.
“Coz u’re handsome, tall,
charming, strong, calculating, smart & very good.
She then asked him,
“What will u be calling me?”
Mr Akpors said,
“Zebra” The lady still smiling
seductively,
“Wow, that’s lovely & sweet.
Why did u choose
such a lovely name?”
“Because of ur STRETCH MARKS”

A GIRLS FACEBOOK UPDATES

A GAL'S FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES:-

 "Wow I just found the love of my life...Nothing will ever stop me from loving my man♥."
.,, ,,
.14 DAY LATER:-
"Never make sum1 a priority when you're just an option to them..xm!"
.,, ,,.
2 DAYS LATER:-
"I HATE love so much!"
.,, ,,
.3 DAYS LATER.
"I'm happy to remain single and I will never fall in love again."
.,, ,,
.5 DAYS LATER:-
"I'm looking for a man to love and treat me ryt."
.
,, ,,
.15 DAYS LATER:-
"When u deeply fall inlove with a person,u realise why it didn't work with anybody else but him.I love my guy somuch....mwaaah. "
.
,, ,,8 DAYS LATER:-
"bulshit..!! All men are the same...nkt!!!

WISE MAN,INTELLIGENT

A Nigerian man who makes coffins was on his way to deliver one of the coffins he make for his client when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he carried the coffin on his head and headed his destination. Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so the challenged him; "hey!!! where are you going with that coffin?" The man being wise knew the policemen wanted to make money off him, so he replied saying "I don't like the place where they  bury me, so i wanna go bury myself for another place". The policemen on hearing this fled for their lives.

LEAVING CHILDREN HOME ALONE

HAVING A GOOD TIME

AKPOR Vs TEACHER

Akpors had been promoted to primary 5 and the
teacher Miss Janet was going round asking the
pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy
replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved
on
"yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty
four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she
got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpors the teacher asked "yes you, Akpors, 60 + 10 ?" Akpors stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma
Madam, its SIXTY TEN"

THE WISE MAN

A man is having $200  but went to a five star hotel & after incurring a debt of $16,000, he was handed over to a policeman by the hotel manager. On their way to police station, the man gave the policeman  $200 & got himself freed.

SILLY DRIVER

Boss : am giving u job as a driver.
STARTING salary $3500, is it ok?
John : U R great sir! Starting salary is
ok.......but
how much is DRIVING salary...?

A WOMAN

A woman stole chicken from her neighbour and
decided to go and sell it in the market. On
reaching there, another woman stole it from
her. As she was returning from the market with
frustration, her friends who saw her on her way
to the market asked; How much did you sell the
chicken?. She replied; I sold it the same price I
bought it

FRED'S PASTOR

' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near
death.
The family called their pastor to stand with them.
As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to
deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred
used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he
placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was
wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died.
He said, "You know, ' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I
haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read outloud, "Naughty Person, you're standing on my
oxygen tube!"

MONEY ON MY MIND

RESPONSIBLE MAN