KIDS ARE QUICK AND SMART

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

THE INNOCENT PRAYER IN THE EASTER

We had visitors at dinner time. It was time for them to leave when our daughter Maureen offered to lead us in prayer;





"Dear God,

I thank you for giving me such lovable parents,

Thank you for the visitors and their children who ate all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so that they shall never have to come to our home for supper. Forgive the boy who was wrestling with my sister on her bed and this naughty girl for eating sausage on my brother’s pants as he slept on the settee, and this winter please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies in Daddy's Cell phone, & build shelter to the homeless men who sleep with mum when dad is at work ..…Amen."

THIEF-CATCHER MACHINE

Scientists in the United States of America invented a machine that catches
thieves and took it out to different
countries for a test:


* USA , in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,


* Zimbabwe, in 20 minutes it caught 2000 thieves,


* Tanzania , in 10 minutes it caught 600 thieves,


* Kenya, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen!

THE NEXT QUESTION

Teacher: Whoever Answers My Next Question Can Go Home.
A Boy Throws His Bag Out Through The Window.
Teacher: Who Threw The Bag ?
Boy: Me................I'm Going Home

COMPLETE AND FINISHED

Many people think complete and finished have the same meaning,read below:

Marry the right person and you are complete.

Marry the wrong person and you are finished.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ARGUMENT

Mother said to her daugher;'didn't i tell you if a guy touches your boobs say DONT! and if he touches your private parts say STOP.'
Daughter replied,' but mom he touched both so i said DONT STOP.'

HOW DO U CONTROL YOUR ANGER?

Dad to son: When I beat you how do you control your anger?

Son: I start cleaning toilet.

Dad: How does that satisfy you?

Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.

ONE SPELLING MISTAKE CAN DESTROY YOUR LIFE

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...

"I'm having such a wonderful time! Wish u were her....!

DO U KNOW THE MEANING OF WIFE?

Husband: It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime! or...Worries invited for ever

Wife : it could also mean-With Idiot For Ever.

A MAN DESCRIBES HIS WIFE

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.

She said, 'What does that mean?'

He said , Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.

She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'

He said-- I'm Just Kidding---!!!

I MUST CONFESS

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work'

NEVER VISIT RICH PEOPLE

Reasons why I never visit rich people !!

Question: "What would U like to have... Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please…"

Question: " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : " Ceylon tea.. "

Question : "How would U like it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk …… "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk ?"
Answer: "With cow milk PLEASE"...

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow, or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Ummm, I'll take it black then…"

Question: " Would U like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar!!!!!"

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "LISTEN,, Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead PLEASE……..."

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'LL RATHER DIE OF THIRST"….. just leave me ALONE..... !!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK ON HOW ENGINEER APPROACH A GIRL

An engineer proposing to a lady.................

"Hi dear!

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute
circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes,
standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a
vector of a particular magnitude from your eyes at a
deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart,
my heart differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real
roots, which only you can solve by making good binary
relation with me.

The tangent of my love for you extends to infinity. I
promise that I should not resolve you into partial
fractions but if I do so, you can integrate me by
applying the limits from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to aset.

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute
personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant
on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle
of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved
polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima
and minima, of an unknown function. You make my heart
pump like a turbo diesel engine"

" Who still say engineers cannot charm ladies?????

A COMPUTER ADDICT

A computer addict falling from the roof of a building shouting
'F1' 'F1' 'F1'
instead of 'Help' 'Help' 'Help'

DOCTOR TO HIS LADY PATIENT

Doctor; u look soo weak & exhausted! Are u taking ur meals 3times a day as I advised? Lady; I thought 3 males a day.

HONEY,SEND ME......!!!!!

girl texting lover :
if u are dreaming,send me ur dream, if ur crying,send me ur tears, if ur laughing, send me ur laughter,.
lover replies,.am in the toilet,shud i send u some...??

BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE

Before Marriage...

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!


After Marriage...

Read it from bottom to top!

COINCIDENCE IN A MARTENITY HOSPITAL

Three men were in the martenity hospital waiting room when the nurse rushed in and said to the first man,

"Sir, you're the father of twins."
"Hey! Isn't that a coincidence!" he replied. "I'm a member of the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

Later, the nurse came in and said to the second man, "Sir, you're the father of triplets."
"Gee!" the man exclaimed. "Another coincidence! I work with the 3M Company."

Listing to his fellows coincidences, the third man dropped down fainted. It was found that he was working for 7-UP!"

COINCIDENCE IN A MARTENITY HOSPITAL

Three men were in the martenity hospital waiting room when the nurse rushed in and said to the first man,

"Sir, you're the father of twins."
"Hey! Isn't that a coincidence!" he replied. "I'm a member of the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

Later, the nurse came in and said to the second man, "Sir, you're the father of triplets."
"Gee!" the man exclaimed. "Another coincidence! I work with the 3M Company."

Listinig to his fellows coincidences, the third man dropped down fainted. It was found that he was working for 7-UP!"

CUTE ANSWER

Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free.

As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he is. "I am 4 years old."

"And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver.

“When I get off the bus," answers Johnny.

MAN AND HIS WIFE

Man went to a pub with his wife. When he left for the counter a prostitute approached his wife & whispered "DEMAND CASH B4 SEX," he doesn't PAY!

The wife gets angry and starts shouting at the unfaithful husband for going out with prostitutes. The husband advises the wife that they leave the pub and go home to sort out the problem.

They book a cab but on the way the wife continues shouting and the Taxi driver stops and tells the man, "You, every time you book my taxi you always argue with your prostitutes, get out of my car" THE WIFE GOT MAD.THEHUSBAND COLLAPSED.



...this is the reason why husbands don't want to spend with wives in bars/nightclub etc.....

EXTRA OFFICE WORK

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge.

EXTA OFFICE WORK

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge.

JOB APPLICATION OF THE YEAR

Dear Sir/Madam,
I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager. Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more. It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair. Just imagine,the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds.
The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers' licence as I am sure the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don't even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves.I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager was my referee so we can safely skip that part.I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known.
Yours ever smiling even in tough times like Funeral.
Eng. Gairey Omole

8 QUALITIES OF A PERFECT HUSBAND

Brave,
Intelligent,
Gentle,
Polite,
Energetic,
Nutty,
Industrious,
Sensitive.

And if all else falls, read the Capital Letters Only

ENGINEER AND HIS WIFE

A qualified Engineer married an educated girl!!
After two years of having tough life with her, the engineer got angry and send a note to his father inlaw :YOUR PRODUCT DOES NOT MEET MY REQUIREMENTS:
The smart father in law replied 2, YEARS OF WARRANY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NO LONGER RESPONSIBLE!!!

MATANI YA WAKENYA

Matani ya Wakenya

Matani ya Wakenya ......


1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga, dirisha zinakuwa tinted!

2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU’ hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.

3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.

4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia “wee iba tu Mungu
anakuona.”

5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.

6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.

8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.

9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI) .
10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.

11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.

12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa
address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)

13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.

14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.

15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.

16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.

17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.

18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.

19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.

21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam
.
22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie
parachute.

23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?

24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.

25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?

26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt

27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.

28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate

29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.

30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning’inia) kwa frame.

31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.

32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.

33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa) .

34. Budako(baba yako) ni ****, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.

CUSTOMER'S COMPLAINTS

A man boarded a plane with 5 kids. After they got settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?” “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer’s complaints.” He replied.

LITTLE JOHN

A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."
Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her tit's are so big she could only fasten eight!

A TEACHER

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual sizewhen stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said: "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal." The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.
Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?"
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And thirdly, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."

TRY THIS,YOU WILL ENJOY

Its realy FUN!! Take you phone, switch it to Vibrate mode then put it into water, after there call from siting room, surely your phone will start swimming

MEDICAL ALERT

Medical alert about a virus called " Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK). If you come into contact with this VIRUS, you should immediately go to​ the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) centre to take antidotes known as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UnWork Medicine"(RUM), " Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter" (BEER), "Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen" (VODKA)

WHAT'S WRONG WITH WAHAYA!!!

It worth reading the story; Swali moja majibu kibao.

Doctor : What happened to your arm?

Rwegumiza : I broke it.

Doctor : Where and How did that happen?

Rwegumiza : Okey. It was a normal Saturday afternoon.I was on the second floor balcony of that my house in Oysterbay, not the one in Msasani slip...

Doctor : Is that where you broke your arm,the balcony?

Rwegumiza : No no ... I was sipping that my scotch whisky slowly... you know my son recently came from the UK and he brought me some blue label.Anyway...as I continued sipping, I realised that the sun's rays were not getting directly to me, as the satellite dish was blocking them. Before I could instruct the domestic engineer to automatically turn away the dish, my butler James came up the balcony and informed me that there was this call on my social cellular phone, Nokia N91 new generation . I reminded him to always bring the cellular up instead of calling me. As I hurried down the marble escalator ...

Doctor : I guess that is when you...

Rwegumiza : No, as I was going down I noticed the garage door was open and a car alarm was on. I stopped to check and indeed the new model Prado was missing. I knew Mama Koku my beautiful second wife had taken it.Koku is our second daughter, now in Boston USA and is named after my late grandmother, who passed away in 1972 after a sort illness.

I have always warned Mama Koku never to use the 4 by 4 on weekends, because of the recent spate of car-jackings. I always advise her to either use the Mercedes 230E or the BMW 325I which are not very attractive for thugs. That reminds me, I will have to tell my secretary to call "car-track " first thing on Monday -Jowa! I need to update my mobility inventory with them.So as I was saying....

Doctor : (With some laughter) Yes Mr Rwegumiza, car theft incidences are rising and it is becoming a dangerous place. But how did you break your arm?

Rwegumiza : Yes I was coming to that. On my way to pick the cell tel I heard a hissing sound. I stopped to check where it was coming from. Ahh, it was from the bathroom. Mama Koku, for some reason, had left the Jacuzzi on.Luckily the temp and speed were at the minimum. I usually recommend such speed and temp so that we do not overload the UPS support system , especially when our son's home theatre system is on .

Doctor : Mr Rwegu...

Rwegumiza : Just wait... So I when I picked up the phone, I said Hello,Hello...Hello, but nothing. I became upset because I think the caller from state house had disconnected, I cant understand why he didn't leave a message after the beep.All my un-answered calls including the car mobiles are automatically redirected to a CAMS system. Doc, a CAMS is a "Central Answering Machine System". Anyway, on my way back I did not notice the protruding wire from the satellite dish. I had on many occasions told Multi Choice to send in a qualified techni...

Doctor : ...is that where you tripped?

Rwegumiza : No, as I was avoiding the wire, I tripped on the Multichoice 250 channel decoder and fell on the 200 year old classical family piano..........

Doctor : Thank you. Such an expensive trip will cost you only 850.

Rwegumiza: hands over the money excitedly...)

Doctor: Not Tanzanian shillings, Dollars!

Rwegumiza : Aii....maweeee.....then I shall write you a cheque drawn from my overseas account with Fast Boston Bank Massachussets....you can not go wrong on that one

Kumbe Rwegumiza is a "desk officer" at Temeke Municipal Council ................!!!!

Enjoy!!

POLITICIAN

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer after seeing what happened,went over to investigate.He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later,the local sheriff came out,saw the crashed bus and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried all of them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer,'were they ALL dead?' The old farmer replied;"well some of them said they weren't but you know how them politicians lie".

WHEN I WAS A KID

when I was a KID:

Pussy meant CAT,

Sex meant GENDER,

Bitch was a FEMALE DOG,

Dick was a NAME,

BJ was a NICK-NAME,

Bang was a SOUND,

Rubber was just like PLASTIC,

Ass was an ANIMAL,

Screw was just a NUT,

Tit was a SNACK,

Head meant a part of BODY !!

But Now ____________

Everything is just Damn Complicated .???.... ;)

HOT AIR HOSTESS

Man to super Hot Air hostess: What's your Name? Air Hostess: Eva Benz Man: Wow, lovely name. Any relation with mercedez Benz? Air hostess (smilling) : ''same price''.

FASTEST FATHER

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30PM and he is home by 3:45PM

A rich, poor and Kenyan kids in an English class!

Teacher: Okay kids, I want you to make a sentance with 'liver' and 'cheese'.

The Rich kid: Yesterday my mom bought fresh liver and 500gr of cheese to cook pate and cheese cake. It was delicious!

Teacher: Well done George, good sentance!

The poor kid: Yesterday I stole a piece of liver and 250gr of cheese from the super market. My mother boiled the liver and we eat it with cheese and crackers.

Teacher: Okay Billy, that will do!

The Kenyan kid: Jesterdei I saw a boy hitting my sista Janeti; I say, "Hey bastard, liver alone cheez my sista!"

IDD AMIN DADA

For sure English is not our mother’s tongue & if it is wrongly pronounced it can totally mean something different 2 what u want 2 say.
Memorable Speech of Idi Amin Dada
After a luncheon hosted by the Queen in London in his honour, the former Ugandan leader Idi Amin Dada had this to say for his vote of thanks.

"My majesty Mr. Queen Sir,
horrible ministers and members of parliament,
invented Guests, ladies under gentlemen.
I hereby thank you completely…..Mr. Queen, sir;
and also what he has done for me and my fellow Uganda
who come with me.
We have really eaten very much. And we are fed up completely:
And also very thanks to you keenly open up from all windows:
so that those plenty climax can come into lunch. But before I go
back to my country with a plane from the Entebbe airport of London
I wish to invitation you Mr. Queen, to become home to Uganda so
that we can also revenge on you .
You will eat a full cow: and also feel up your stomach and
walk with difficult because of full stomach completely.
Even when you want to rest at night; I will make sure that
you sleep on top of me in the top up stairs of my mansion
completely so that you can enjoy all the gravity of fresh air.
"But now am sorry because I have to tell you that I have
made a short call on you only. But next time I shall make a long call
on you to last the whole moon completely. Thank you very much
to allow me to undress you completely before these extinguished
ladies under gentlemen sir.
Lastly but not list, I ask the band to play our international anthem
of the republic of Uganda and also the British international anthem...Your majesty sir, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the bottoms
of all the people of Uganda .
With this few words I thank you Sir.

A SON IN A BOARDING SCHOOL

A son in a boarding school wrote to his Dad "... conditional critical at school, send money else suicide!". Dad replies " situation at home very terrible, suicide approved!".

TOO MUCH SELECTIVE

A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested-"I'm looking for a spouse,can you please help me find a suitable one?". The marriage officer said"your requirements please". "Well let me see,needs to be good looking,polite,humorous,sporty,knowledgeable,good at singing and dancing,willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if i don't go out,telling me interesting stories when i need a companion for conversation and be silent when i want to rest". The officer listened carefully and replied,"I understand,you need a TELEVISION!

TEENAGE WITH PHONE

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half and hour, and then she hung up. ''Wow!'' said her father, '' That was short. You usually talk for two hourz. What happened!?''. ''Wrong number'' replied the girl.

A LADY LOST THREE PANTIES

A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. The Maid defended herself by saying "Sir, you are my witness you know I never wear panties."

NO TIME TO GO HEAVEN

Children were at a church for a sunday school session. At a certain moment during the divine teaching session,the Pastor asked the children; Are you ready now to go to heaven? While most of them replied, yes, one girl said No I can not go to heaven because my mom said soon after sunday school I have to go home immediately to do some work!

DEAR SALARY

Please come back to STAY with me.
You left in such a rush last month,
I didn't even have time to tell you about my plans.


I'm sorry about what I did last month.
I promise I'll be good this month.
Luv you with all my heart..

A MARRIAGE PROMISE

Marriage Promise
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.


When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids....

A TEENAGE GIRL

Daugher: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree. Mother: Stupid! He wanted to see ur panty. Daughter: I am clever i din't wear any of them.

AIRPLANE ABOUT TO CRASH

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die.... So he took the first pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, J.K, said: "I'm President of Tanzania, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in Tanzania's history, so Tanzania's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane. The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. Tanzania's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."

So that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum !!!!!

A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked "Dad why?" He answered "so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum."

SHE CAME AT NIGHT

She came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me,
she bit me, sucked, swallowed.
When I wake up she had gone.
I was hurt.
Was it a dream?
No! It was true.
BLOODY… MOSQUITO !!!!