PLEASE,AM I GUILTY OR NOT ?

Pls am i Guilty or not?

I was in a bus on my way coming from Mwanza down to Dodoma I was chatting with a friend and I noticed that the man sitting next to me was looking at my texts. Then I changed the topic. I began to write" Guy. You know what? I am in a bus now. I don't think the bomb I took can last for up to 3 minutes before it explodes. I don't know what to do now o. But I just want to say my goodbyes to you. Take good care of my wife and children. Make sure they spend the money wisely
o.........". Before I knew what was happening.
The man has opened and jumped through the door without telling the driver. He is now dead.
Please,
Who killed him

I CAN'T LAUGH ALONE

My wife and I were having a serious quarrel
when I said to her...
"pack your things and ....."
At that point, her phone rang, so I had to stop
for her to receive the call.
It was her her dad. The phone was on speaker
so I could hear what he was saying. After the
usual pleasantries between father and daughter,
he said:
"my daughter, I have transferred $1,000,000
into your account, give your husband $500,000
out of it, and you can have the other half."
After the good-byes, the call ended, and she
turned to me:
"you said I should pack my things and do
what?"
"I SAID PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM
TO ME TO WASH."

HONEST ANSWER

You are out in the car with your dad driving and Rihanna's latest song, "shut up and drive" is playing. Your dad asked, "What's the title of this song?" What would you tell him?

BAR JOKE

A guy walks into a bar and shouts, "When I drink, everybody drinks!". Everybody is cheering him and applauding like crazy.
Feeling great, he finishes his beer, asks for another one and shouts, "When I drink again, everybody drinks again!". Once again, everybody is cheering him, he is the hero of the bar.
When he is done drinking, he pulls out his wallet and shouts, "When I pay, everybody pays!".

I MISS MY EX CLASSMATES

TEACHER VS FRANCIS

Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a
woman. What do we learn from this?
Francis: We should stop wasting time in studies
and find that WOMAN

3 PASTORS JOKE

Three pastors met & agreed to sincerely tell each other their problems which must be kept a secret between the three of them. The first pastor said; my problem is money l do steal even from the church offering. Please pray for me. The second pastor; mine is women. Whenever l see any woman my desire will be to go to bed with her, infect l have slept with most of the church (female) members. Turning to the third pastor to hear his problem he started crying (it took his friends some effort to calm him). When they asked him to continue, he was still crying, he said my problem is gossiping, when we leave this place everybody will hear all what the two of u have just told me. Please pray for me! The two pastors fainted..

MAMA JOHN Vs JOHN

MAMA JOHN: JOHN, why did you fail your Test?..
 
JOHN: The boy seating next to me did not come today

JOKES TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH (AKPORS Vs INTERVIEWER)

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of Good:
AKPORS:  Bad
Interviewer: Come
Akpors: Go
Interviewer: Ugly
Akpors: Fine
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpors: you are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpors: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok,now stop all that.
Akpors: Ok,now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpors: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh,my God!
Akpors: Oh,my Devil!
Interviewer: You are Rejected!
Akpors: I’m selected!

FRANK VS OBAMA

FRANK went to USA and had a 1 on 1 meeting with OBAMA

OBAMA : I want to show you how much advanced we are.
Come with me, He takes him to a forest. OBAMA : Dig the ground.
 FRANK did it. OBAMA : More….More… More …
FRANK went up to 100 Feet.

OBAMA: So now, try to search for something.
FRANK : I got a Wire.
OBAMA: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we
used to have telephones.

FRANK became frustrated. He invited OBAMA to TANZANIA. That year, OBAMA visited TANZANIA.

FRANK : I want to show you our advancement. He takes OBAMA to a forest.

FRANK : Dig it... Obama does. FRANK: More….More… More…… OBAMA goes up to almost 400 feet.

FRANK:Try to find something. OBAMA tried. FRANK : Did you get anything?

OBAMA: No, there is nothing here.

FRANK: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we
used to have WIRELESS mobile.

JOHN AND THE ARMED ROBBERS

John asked his dad to buy him a toy gun coz neigbours son Francis has one. That same day, John and his dad went to the toy shop and bought two toy gun. One for his son and himself and they drove home. Just when they where about taking their lunch, armed robbers broke in with cutlasses and daggers. John pointed his toy gun towards them, asked his dad to point his, the armed robbers started shivery begging, John then said daddy don't move yet oh, am going inside to get water so that we can put it in our gun. **Dad fainted**.

Soon Weddings Will Be Like This!

Soon weddings will be like this!

Priest: do you agree to change your facebook status from "single" to "married"

Boy: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Girl: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Priest: Congratz, you are now husband and wife.
You may now poke the bride

And don't forget to tag me in the wedding pics.

JOHN IS A VERY FUNNY PERSON

Jenny: Am pregnant John, What would you love it to

be?..

John: I want it to be a Joke

JOHNY AND HIS DAD

Dad: whats 10+10?
Little Johny: I dnt knw
Dad: you cnt answer
such a
cheap sum... Ur stupidy wil
kill you
Lil Johny: if you saw a 1000
note
and a 500 note which
would you
pick?
Dad: 1000 of course
Lil johny: cnt you pick
both
poverty wil kill you

WHO IS MORE FOOLISH BETWEEN THESE 3

Father: Papa John is coming to
collect d money i owed him.
When he comes, tell him i have
traveled. U hear??
Akpos: yes Father.
Papa John entered: Akpos
where is ur father??
Akpos: he has travelled.
Papa John: when is he coming
bak?
Akpors: wait, let me go and ask
him?
(Akpos went inside, open d bak of
d door and said): Father,
papa John said when are u
coming bak??
Father: tell him next week.
Akpos ran bak and said: 
Papa John, my dady said i should
tell u dat he wil be bak next week.
Papa John: ok, go and tell him
dat if he comes bak next
week, he should let me know.
The Question is: WHO IS MORE
FOOLISH??

Types Of People On Facebook:

1) The "Rooster" – Feels that it is their job to tell
Facebook "Good Morning" every day !!
2) The "Lurker" – Never posts or comments on
your post, but reads everything, and might make
reference to your status if they see you in public.
3) The "Hyena" – Doesn't ever really say anything,
just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
4) "Mr/Ms Popular" – Has 4,367 friends for NO
reason
5) The "Gamer" – Plays Words With Friends, Mafia
Wars Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY.)
6) The "Cynic" – Hates their life, and everything in
it, as
evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their
status updates.
7) The "Collector" – Never posts anything either,
but joins every group and becomes fans of the
most random stuff.
The "Promoter" – Always sends event
invitations to things that you ultimately delete or
ignore.
9) The "Liker" – Never actually says anything, but
always clicks the "like" button
10) "Drama Queen/ King" – This person always
posts stuff like "I can't believe this!", or "They
gonna make me snap today!", in the hopes that
you will ask what happened, or what's wrong but
then they never finish telling the story.
11) The "News" – Always updates you on what
they are doing and who they are doing it with, no
matter how arbitrar
which of the above are you? like if u find your
category

How Exams Should Be Written

Exams should be given either
on facebook or on phones
instead of sheets.
Because todays students have
more typing speed than
writing speed!

INNOCENT GIRL

A 3yr old girl sat at dinner table
having dinner with her dad,
cellphone rings,
dad said excuse and went
outside and talked for a few
minutes, comes back and
continues his meal,
3yr old said dad i have
something 2 tell u, dad slap her n
yelled… how many times i tell u
not to talk while eating?
ten mins later dinner finished
dad ask… what were u saying?
3yr old said, while u were on the
phone… the cat pissed in Ur food 

the dad had a cardiac arrest....
 

WOMEN FROM 1500 TO 2013

WILL YOU USE THIS TOILET?

FUN TIME WITH FRANK JOHNSON

A thief was once caught stealing in a supermarket and he was handed over 2 d police.After much torture,he confessed dat he had been stealing there 4 d past 2 months without suspicion.The ffg dialogue ensued:

Policeman:why is it dat u always precipitate here 2 steal?

Thief:Bcoz d inscription on d signboard says "Thanks,come again".

FUN TIME WITH FRANK J

A young boy once askd his father dat daddy who is d head of dis family n d father replied him dat he is d 1 n d boy replied;bt dad why are u d head?or is it bcoz ur head is 2 big?

I THINK AM FUNNY

Marietha went out for drink with
some of the top women….
Waiter brings their bill:
Happy Tsh10,400
Victoria. Tsh10,250
Beatrice. Tsh10,450
Jenny Tsh10,200
Total. Tsh41,300
She says: I will pay for everyone else, but
Total must pay
for herself because I didn’t invite her, after all
she owns
petrol stations all over Tanzania!

TOP 10 SINS COMMITTED ON FACEBOOK

1. U buy an underwear at a bend down select under
owino market( cheap and local) and on facebook u write "i love Gucciunderwear"*God is watching u* 
2. U re a married man wit 2 kids & on facebook u claim
to be single*God is watching u* 
3. U re 21yrs old & dating a man of 54yrs,u updates says
"can't wait to see my baby" is dat ur baby or ur daddy?
*God is watching u*
4. U re drinking ice water & u update "i'm drinking
johnny waker on d rocks"*God is watching u* 
5. U re in d house watching WWE RAW but u updates
"watching silver bird at d cinemas *God is watching u*
 6. U sell retail biscuit and chewing gums & u updates
"had a long day at office*GOD is watching u* 
7. U re waiting 4 a taxi and update "stuck in traffic thank
God 4 d airconditioner in ma car*God is watching u* 
8. U re using fake nokia fone bnd u updates us status
"my laptop is slow"*God is watching u*
9. U re in katanga slum and update "near new
york"*God is watching u* 
10. U real name is Mgbeke Ifeoma and on facebook u
call urself "Pretty Beyonce"*God is watching u*

Funny Frank And His GF

Girlfriend:Baby pls can u send me 20k? Frank: Sure my luv, k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k,k. Count it, is it complete or do u want more? =))

MR JOHN

John goes into a chemist, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a tea spoon. He pours some liquid onto the tea spoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant. Could you taste this please?" says John. Chemist Assistant takes the tea spoon, put it in his mouth swills the liquid and swallow it. Does it taste sweet?" says John"No, not at all" says Chemist Assistant. "Good" says John" The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar" The Chemist Assistant Fainted

RAPPER Vs DJ

THE WEDDING

At a Wedding in a Church, the Pastor said to the Congregation, is there any Man or Woman here who knows any thing that will make this wedding not to
go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent. John quickly stood up at the back and started walking towards
the altar. The Bride fainted, the Groom ran out of the church. The Pastor gave John micro phone to say what he wants to say. John said, Pastor, please show me the
way to the toilet, I want to pee.

ENGAGEMENT JOKES LAUGHS OUT YOUR RIBS

Mr Akpors fiancee said to him,
“Now that we are engaged,
we should start calling
each other pet names”.
He asked her,
“So what do u want to be calling me?”
She said,
“I’ll be calling u TIGER”.
“Why?” he asked.
“Coz u’re handsome, tall,
charming, strong, calculating, smart & very good.
She then asked him,
“What will u be calling me?”
Mr Akpors said,
“Zebra” The lady still smiling
seductively,
“Wow, that’s lovely & sweet.
Why did u choose
such a lovely name?”
“Because of ur STRETCH MARKS”

A GIRLS FACEBOOK UPDATES

A GAL'S FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES:-

 "Wow I just found the love of my life...Nothing will ever stop me from loving my man♥."
.,, ,,
.14 DAY LATER:-
"Never make sum1 a priority when you're just an option to them..xm!"
.,, ,,.
2 DAYS LATER:-
"I HATE love so much!"
.,, ,,
.3 DAYS LATER.
"I'm happy to remain single and I will never fall in love again."
.,, ,,
.5 DAYS LATER:-
"I'm looking for a man to love and treat me ryt."
.
,, ,,
.15 DAYS LATER:-
"When u deeply fall inlove with a person,u realise why it didn't work with anybody else but him.I love my guy somuch....mwaaah. "
.
,, ,,8 DAYS LATER:-
"bulshit..!! All men are the same...nkt!!!

WISE MAN,INTELLIGENT

A Nigerian man who makes coffins was on his way to deliver one of the coffins he make for his client when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he carried the coffin on his head and headed his destination. Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so the challenged him; "hey!!! where are you going with that coffin?" The man being wise knew the policemen wanted to make money off him, so he replied saying "I don't like the place where they  bury me, so i wanna go bury myself for another place". The policemen on hearing this fled for their lives.

LEAVING CHILDREN HOME ALONE

HAVING A GOOD TIME

AKPOR Vs TEACHER

Akpors had been promoted to primary 5 and the
teacher Miss Janet was going round asking the
pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy
replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved
on
"yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty
four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she
got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpors the teacher asked "yes you, Akpors, 60 + 10 ?" Akpors stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma
Madam, its SIXTY TEN"

THE WISE MAN

A man is having $200  but went to a five star hotel & after incurring a debt of $16,000, he was handed over to a policeman by the hotel manager. On their way to police station, the man gave the policeman  $200 & got himself freed.

SILLY DRIVER

Boss : am giving u job as a driver.
STARTING salary $3500, is it ok?
John : U R great sir! Starting salary is
ok.......but
how much is DRIVING salary...?

A WOMAN

A woman stole chicken from her neighbour and
decided to go and sell it in the market. On
reaching there, another woman stole it from
her. As she was returning from the market with
frustration, her friends who saw her on her way
to the market asked; How much did you sell the
chicken?. She replied; I sold it the same price I
bought it

FRED'S PASTOR

' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near
death.
The family called their pastor to stand with them.
As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to
deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred
used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he
placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was
wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died.
He said, "You know, ' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I
haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read outloud, "Naughty Person, you're standing on my
oxygen tube!"

MONEY ON MY MIND

RESPONSIBLE MAN

Nice Joke

A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbor knocking on his door one Friday evening. “I’m so Hot that I can’t stand it.” she said.
“I want to go out, get drunk and get laid. Are
you free tonight?” “Yes!!!!” he replied enthusiastically. “Wonderful.” she said. “Would you watch my
kids?”

AKPOS LOST HIS WIFE

Akpos lost his wife due to his drinking habit. One evenin he saw empty bottles on the table, he quickly smashed 3 bottles swearing, "You , my wife left me because of you!"
"You are the reason I don't have kids!"
"You are the reason I don't have a job!"
He was about to smash the fourth bottle when he realized it was full of beer, so he said "Stand aside, I know you were not involved"

I NEED A GOOD ANSWER

If a native doctor told you that you'll become
the world's richest man after running mad
for one full year and you agreed and ran mad for 11 months 30days, Remaining just a
Single DAY for you to become the world's
richest man. A pastor from somewhere
came, prayed for you and casted out the
madness in you.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO

GETTING TO HEAVEN

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" A teacher asked the children in a Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, moved the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!"

 "Well," the teacher continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

SPEECHLESS

DANGER MEN AT WORK

HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY

ENJOY

a guy got into a barber's shop in Dar es Salaam, taking along with him a little boy by the hand.the man asked the barber to cut his hair. after the cutting he immediately asked barber to start cutting the little boy's while he goes to buy a newspaper around the corner. he did the job and was waiting for the man to return. after 2hrs, the barber said to the boy: i think your father got lost!! it's already 2hrs now since he went out, the little boy replied, 'he isn't my father, i was on the streets when he stopped me and asked: would you like to have a hair cut for free?

SUGAR MUMMY

A guy arrives at the Hotel with a lady about 20years older than him.
The hotel manager said; sorry we don't allow such here. The guy said;
oh she's my Mum, then he was handed the room key.
Not convince the manager later sent a maid to verify. Maid said;yes sir she's the Mum. Manager; how do u know? Maid; I saw her bosom feeding him

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

ENGINEERING STUDENT FIRST YEAR AND FINAL YEAR

JOHN GEOGRAPHY CLASS B

JOHN.... ALWAYS ON POINT

In a Geography class.

Teacher: On the world map, what country is next to USA.

John: USB.

POVERTY SUCKS

FATHER

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: 1 year older then me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

SCARCITY OF BUSES MAKE PEOPLE STUPID

A HOT SECRETARY

A hot secetary came out angrily from her boss office.
Her colleage asked : what happened? U went inside in a happy mood. She replied : he asked me, are u free tonight?
And i said, absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45pages to type.

PROFESSOR

Policeman::professor, did u manage to get the number of the lorry that knocked u down?
Professor:I'm sorry there wasn't time for that but fortunately.I noticed that the cube root of the number was equal to the sum of its digits.

EFFECT OF LEGALIZE WEED ( MARIJUANA)

WHO IS MORE SILLY?

1. One who wave hands to greet
news caster on the tv.
2. A nurse who wakes up a
sleeping patient to give him
sleeping pills because he forgot to
take them.
3. One who goes with a spanner to
the bank to open an account.
4. The one who puts a radio in the
freezer to listen to a cool music.
5. One who lowers the volume of a
radio to read an SMS.
6. One who puts a perfume to take
a photo

NO COMMENT

HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF INJECTION?

Marietha Vs Mom

Marietha: Mom you lied to me
Mom: When?
Marietha: You said my Younger Brother is a Small Angel.
Mom: Ye he is.
Marietha: He didnt Fly when i threw him from the Balcony


the mother fainted

The Reason Why Girls Like Large HandBags

WHERE IS THE BUS GOING TO?

On a bus going, from Indiana to Ohio after my evening lectures the phone of a girl sitting close to me rang, she picks it and said:
"Honey, I'm in a bus going to Chicago for the burial, I will call you when I get there".

Another girl's phone rang, she said:

"Sweetheart, I'm on my way to New York for the masters degree form, please send me credit for the trip".

The other one's phone rang, she said:

"Alhaji sorry, I'm on my way to Bevery Hills for the interview, i will call you later.
 A guy who was sitting at the back of the bus suddenly raises his voice in anger:

"Driver, stop please, park this bus, where exactly is this bus going to??

BARBER SHOP....DAMN POVERTY SUCKS

COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

PASTOR: Do something crazy for
the lord.. John carried the
offering basket and ran away*

FUNNIEST VIDEO EVER

CREATIVITY

TRUE OR FALSE?

WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS

The lawyer hopes you get into trouble...
The Doctor hopes you fall ill...
The Police hope you become a criminal...
The teacher hopes you are born stupid...
The coffin maker wants you dead!
Only the thief and I wishes you prosperity in life!
I wish you all a lovely life.

AKPOR IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

Akpor was in mental hospital for 7 years and wanted to get out really bad so he spent 5 months practicing to jump over the gate.The day he came for him to escape and gave goodbye to his friends and vanished (disappear).After 2 minutes he came back and his friends ask if he had forgoten something.
He said " Yes the gate was opened so i couldn't jump i will try tomorrow"

AKPOR AGAIN

Class Teacher : Differentiate between Biology and Sociology.
AKPOR:          if a new born baby looks like his father,it is 'Biology',but if he looks like his neighbour,then 'it is called sociology'

BEST DRIVING SCHOOL

!!!!

GLOBALIZATION

Q: what is globalization?
A: Princess Diana.
Q: why?
A: because an English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel while in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian, who was drunk on a Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian paparazzi, riding Japanese motorcycles, treated by American doctor, using Brazilian medicine!

CONVERSATION BETWEEN GANG AND CHURCH MEMBERS

This morning, a gang went into a church and started closing windows and doors.
They told the congregation that they were going to kill everyone but in alphabetical order. They went to the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev: Zoseph Zmith
Lucky you,
Pianist: my name is Zemanuel Zwilliams but one of the ushers over there is Abigail Ann.
You lying bastard,the usher replies. My name is Zzzabigail Zzzann. What name would u ve mentioned if u were to be around??

FUTURE IMPOSSIBLE TENSE

LITTLE JOHN GET PUNCHED

Teacher: Who is the president of
America?
Little Johnny: I don't know madam.
Teacher: You need to focus more
on your studies.
Little Johnny: Please madam, can I
ask few questions?
Teacher: Yes, go ahead.
Little Johnny: Do you know Rita?
Teacher: No.
Little johnny: Do you know Joy?
Teacher: No
Little Johnny: Do you know Kate?
Teacher (Angry): Hell no! Who are
all these people and why do you
ask?
Little Johnny: You need to focus
more on your husband!

IF THE ENGLISH PREMIERSHIP WERE A CLASSROOM

If the ENGLISH PREMIER
LEAGUE
would have been a
classroom, then:-
ARSENAL -Is a boy who
works hard
throughout the year but
fails to succeed
because of his greedy
rich family that is not
ready to spend on
buying books.
MANCHESTER CITY - Is a
boy who purchases all
the expensive books
but is never ready to
read them.
LIVERPOOL -Is a child
who is very much
proud of the academic
achievements of his
grand father.
MANCHESTER UNITED -Is
a boy who just
performs in the final
exams and tops the
class.
Finally,
CHELSEA -Is a boy who
fails to perform and
puts the blame of
failure on his teacher
and then his family
finds a new teacher
for him every year!

VOICEMAIL

Akpos walked into a post office and buys an envelope from the cashier. He opened it and started speaking in a loud voice into the envelope.
Alarmed, the cashier asked, "Why are
you speaking in the envelope?"
Akpos replied......"I am sending a
voicemail"

I CALL IT MAXIMUM CHEATING/ UNFAITHFUL

LECTURER

JOKE OF THE WEEK,NICE WEEK END...

Akpors: Girl I like your teeth!

Gal: Oh thank you *blushing*

Akpors: They remind me of a song!!

Gal: Owh really, Which song?

Akpors: Black & Yellow!!!

AKPORS AND FIANCEE

Girl: If we get married, stop smoking.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: Drinking too.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: N going to the night club too.
Akpors:- Yes. Girl:-You stop watchin soccer matches with yo boyz
Akpors: Okay!
Girl:- What else can u leave??
Akpors:- The idea of marrying You

FACEBOOK CONVERSATION BETWEEN A TEENAGER AND A STRANGER

A Teenage Girl was chatting onFB with a stranger
.
.Stranger: hey pretty! Could you give me ur mail id?
.
.Gal: oh yes sure its --> ihaveaboyfriend _andilovehimalot @getlost.com
.
.Stranger: and mine is -->iamyourfather_andyouaredead@meetmenow.com

JOY

Johnny has a wife whose name is Joy. They went 4 church one day and d pastor was preaching about Joy. PASTOR; May Joy be ur portion in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; Amen! PASTOR; I pray ur Joy will be permanent in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; Ameeeeen!!!
PASTOR; I want a louder amen for this, I pray may Joy sleep with u tonight in d name of Jesus. CONGREGATION; A...(Johnny interrupts)Shut up everybody, my Joy will no go sleep with you ooo.

POLICE NS AKPORS

Police: where do you live?
Akpos: with my parents!
Police: where do your parents live?
Akpos: with me!
Police: where do you all live?
Akpos: together!
Police: where is your house?
Akpos: next to my neighbors house!
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Akpos: if I tell you, you won't believe me!
Police: tell me?
Akpos: next to my house!

TEACHER CALL IT CHEATING,WE CALL IT TEAM WORK

EVEN IF THE CONDITION ARE NOT FAVOURED,BEER WILL REMAIN A DELICACY

!!!!!!!!...............

Junior went to daddy after school and asked "daddy,do u know Washington DC? Daddy replied "thats the capital of United States Of America,that where i attended high school.Junior asked again "do you know New York" Daddy replied " i got my first degree in New York" Junior asked again " so how about London?"
Daddy replied i was in London for my 43rd birthday.Junior said again "daddy,then you must know Geography so well oo..!
Daddy replied "You know,geography was where i married your mother.
Junior: !!!!!!!!

NEW BOOK ON HOW TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN

SAGGING

If U Don't Laugh Go and See Doctor

A pastors was praying for a man possessed with demon,He said in the name of Jesus,what do you want from this man,speak up before i cast you out this moment."The demon answerd: I want him to win the America lotto draw worth $ 400 million tonight.The pastor lowers the microphone and whispered: Get out of him and enter into me.

Evolution Of Dance

wicked man

Teen Fact

Suzie Vs John

Suzie: Nice phone baby,where did you buy it?
John:  I won it in a running race.
Suzie: How many people participated?
John:  It was the MOBILE OWNER,POLICE and ME

Teacher and John

Teacher: 2 books + 2 books?
John     : 4 books
Teacher: good,now i'll ask you a tough one
1,713+3,571 books..?
JOhn : LIBRARY

Father Vs John

Father: why did your grammar teacher slap you?
John:   because i asked her,why is bra singular when it covers 2 items and panties plural when it covers just one

JUST KIDDING

MY CAR

JONATHAN AND PATIENCE

jonathan: I wonder what's going on next door.
Patience: It's a birthday party!
Jonathan: Whose birthday party is it?
Patience: I'm sure it's Tuyu's birthday.
Jonathan: How did you know?
Patience: I heard them singing ''Happy Birthday Tuyu!!! Happy Birthday Tuyu!!!

U SAVED ME

A man calls radio station n
says:'I have found a wallet
on the bus seat that I had
boarded on my way home.It
contained $. 1,000,and a.t.m
card n a gold chain...the owner I.d
card read Frank John.
The radio presenter says:So do
u want to return it to him?
The man says:~HELL No!! R u
mad??I just wanted to dedicate
him a song "U saved me ya R.kelly

DAN AND THE SPELLING BOOK

Dani : I spent eight hours over my new spelling book last night.

Teacher: It's wonderful that you spent so much time studying!

Dani : Who said anything about studying? My spelling book was under my pillow when I went to sleep!

A BABY WEIGHING 50 KG BORN THROUGH NORMAL DELIVERY

EXPENSIVE WEDDING OF THE YEAR:

                                          
How much do you think this wedding cost?

PAIN TRANSFER

A happily married couple(Frank and Happy) having their first baby, were
invited to make use of a new machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother's labour pains to the
Baby's biological father wherever he may be. Both were
happy to try it. The pain transfer was set to 10
percent but the husband felt nothing. So the doctor
increased it to 20 percent. The father said he still
felt fine and his blood pressure was normal. He
invited the doctor to kick it up to 50 percent. Still
there was no reaction. The doctor was amazed and
slowly transferred all the pain until the Wife
delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She
and her husband and the doctor were ecstatic. When
they got home, the gardener(John)  was lying almost dead at
the gate

VALENTINE GIFT

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

PASTOR

After tuesday church service, these conversation ensued between pastor and church workers
pastor:i can't blieve some pple could be so heartless as to offer fake $2000 to the lord.
Worker:it's the work of the devil pastor but where is the money?
Pastor: we just have to praise the lord because i've been able to spend it.

HAPPY and MARIE

Happy and Marie were fighting outside d examination hall people
gathered and asked what caused d rift
Happy: Marie copied me all through d exam
Marie:its a lie i didnt copy her i submitted a blank answer sheet
Happy: dats what am saying the teacher wil think dat we copied
each other.

I CAN'T LAUGH ALONE PLEASE

A man and a woman walked into a guesthouse n requested to spend d night. The owner of the guest house,Mr Collins, who is a member of Mountain of fire church, refused to allow men n women stay together in his hotel becos of fornication. d woman explained,He is my son. Not my spouse n so dey checked in. After 30mins,Mr collins sent his maid to go n check if those folks re truly mother n son.
The maid came back n said: Sir,she's truly d mother. The Boss Asked. How did u confirm. D maid. Smiled=D , Sir I am sure.
I saw her Breastfeeding the Man

GOOD REVENGE : IT'S JUST A JOKE GUYS

A black man and a white man were sitting in the park, the white man had a pet monkey and the black man is selling bananas, the black man said 'Mr. Can u look after my bananas, i'm goin to the toilet"," Yeah sure, go ahead" said the white man. When the black man came he found his bananas gone and asked "where are my bananas" the white man pointed to the monkey and said "ask ur brother" , the black man chilled and sat down. Few minutes later the white man ask "can u watch my monkey I'm going to the toilet" ,"oh yeah sure!" said the black man. When the white man came back he found his monkey dead and exclaim "what happened here?" the black replied " don't get involved pls , it's a family matter".

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR

Johnson was praying one sunday morning,he said Lord give me a job which would make have a loud voice to be heard,my pockets always full of money and a big vehicle , full of ladies everyday.The Lord granted his prayers,the next day,he became a Bus Conductor

FOOTBALL JOKES

Lionel Messi was passing  through the streets of New York when he got attracted to hooker plying her trade on that same street.He quickly went to meet her and after some discussions,they agreed to go over to his place.
On getting there,the lady went to the bathroom to have a shower,on her way back,she was surprised to meet 3 unclad men on the bed.Before she could say anything,Messi bloated out "am sorry i didnt tell you this earlier but i can't perform without Xavi and Iniesta

LEAVING CHILDREN HOME ALONE

ON MY WAY TO WALMART SHOPPING MALL

THREE GIRL BATHING

Three girls were bathing at the same place,suddenly air blew their towels away,unfortunately a guy was coming, one covered her
bosom, the other covered her private part, while the third covered her face. Among the three girls,
who do you think is the WISEST

CREATIVE